One of the age-old questions of dating. A debate that could go on all evening. I ran a Twitter poll on the topic and had the highest number of votes for any poll I’ve run to date.
What am I talking about?
How long do you wait before having sex with a new partner?
People used to wait until marriage. Which, when you consider the fact that there was no birth control or ways of protecting yourself from STIs back then, was actually a smart move. In the days of sexual liberation, waiting for marriage is now the case for a much smaller percentage of the population, but up until recently we were always told that if we wanted something more serious with a particular suitor, we should hold out for a while.
Nowadays, it’s not that simple. A lot of relationships stem from what one magazine called “one night starts”- people who had a one night stand, carried on seeing each other, and it led into a serious relationship. A lot of people approach dating looking for casual sex, and the relationships they end up in happen by accident. It used to be that a woman could be judged as “slutty”, and “not wife material” if they had sex too quickly; this is now no longer the case. That’s great right? No judgement! Except it’s not “no judgement”. The harshest judgement is now directed at women for having a low number of sexual partners, not having sex for a long period of time, or wanting to wait before having sex with a new partner. Wife material? Nah, you’re now either a “prude”, “not sexual”, or “won’t know what you’re doing”. Obviously not every guy will feel this way, but there’s no denying that the faster you’re willing to put out, the bigger your pool of men is. So as much as I’d love to preach the value of waiting, I have to admit in the present climate it’s not a bad dating strategy to bang a tonne of guys on the first night and see how it goes.
Again though, it’s not that simple. Some people may not want to have sex on the first date. Maybe they’re not sure if they fancy the person, and need another couple of dates to see. Or maybe they just don’t want to sleep with someone they don’t know well. There’s also the issue a lot of the time, women can’t do casual things the way men can. Some women may be fine having sex on the first date, but with sex comes FEELINGS AND LOVE, and wanting a RELATIONSHIP with him, and they end up hurt when the man doesn’t quite feel the same. Of course, life doesn’t always fall into gender stereotypes, and there may be some men who get attached after sex and some women who move on afterwards. But either way, if you’re an “attachment” kind of person, it’s probably a better idea to wait a while before having sex to screen out idiots and make sure you’re on the same page. Of course, it’s always possible that someone may go through X number of dates then disappear afterwards, but it’s less likely that someone will sit through 5-6 dates just to get laid when there are other fish in the sea available at the swipe of a finger.
The results of this poll show that there are people across the board, even including a fair few in the waiting for marriage camp. So ultimately, it’s up to you to do what feels right for you and the situation. And if anyone judges you for that, do you really want to date them anyway?
How long would you wait before sleeping with a new partner?