I have a confession to make. For a good girl, I’ve often had a tendancy to go for, for want of a better phrase, bad guys.
On my last night out in Tanzania during my gap year, (under the influence of alcohol) I kissed this guy I liked who was generally a bit of a dick and may have had a girlfriend at the time. We also semi-arranged to meet up on my last day. But when he texted me the next day to make plans, I had Taylor Swift’s “Girl At Home” playing on my iPod, and began reflecting. Perhaps in order to stop meeting bad guys, I had to, well, stop meeting bad guys. So I declined the invitation, and that was that. I expected to feel some sort of warm glow for “doing the right thing”, or for karma to align and a nice guy would suddenly appear from the sky. But instead, I just felt empty, and a sense of regret started to creep in. I mean, I was there for one more day. I was never going to see him again. Why not just go, and enjoy a flirt, a bit of attention, and a makeout session?
So if, when dealing with “bad guys”, you’re damned if you do, and damned if you don’t, what’s the solution?
Behold, the one snog rule.
The one snog rule says that if there is someone you fancy, but you know does not want a relationship with you you can kiss them once, but then you have to leave it. No more kisses, no messaging. One snog and that’s it.
There are a few variations to this rule. Perhaps the one date rule. Or if you’re into one night stands, the one shag rule. Whatever you like. But the key is in the first word- one.
Case in point- the aforementioned guy. One snog would have been fine. But in a twist of fate we ended up getting in contact later on- flirted for a while, then he went cold. Fine- the “one flirt” rule I guess. Then I followed some bad dating advice from one of those “dating experts” and got back in contact with him and we ended up flirting for ages. This was bad because I inevitably ended up reading too much into it and feeling it was more than it was. And of course all the time spent messaging him could have been better spent setting up other dates- and we women have our biological clocks to think about.
Another case. I went to university with the intention that I was going to do random pulls, and was instead find a decent guy and enter a long-term serious relationship. But after a couple of months of receiving no male attention whatsoever, I ended up getting with this guy who was attractive- but sleazy as fuck. But it was fun and no harm done- so I ended up getting with him again. So I had the idea that I’d keep him around as some kind of “pull buddy” as a relationship didn’t look like it was on the cards any time soon. But then he went cold, my friend slept with him then told him I liked him, he started ignoring me, and I ended up wasting loads of time and head space on him. Whereas if I’d just followed the one snog rule then just ignored him it would have been fine. It’s more fun to get with someone you’ve already got with before, but if they weren’t interested after the first pull they probably never will be so it’s more productive to pursue pastures new.
So if you’ve been single a long time and you’re getting cuddle horny, don’t deny yourself any form of male attention in your pursuit to find a husband. But make sure to follow the one snog rule to ensure you don’t get sidetracked from your end goal.